Funny Jokes

Joke: A man and his wife go to the doctor's office. After the doctor sees him he calls in his wife and she asks "Is my husband okay Doctor?"

The doctor replies "Well, he will be if you do everything I say. You have to prepare all of his meals for him every day. You also have to do all of his chores, never nag at him, and most importantly you must massage him three times a day. Do this for about a year and he will live."

Later in the car the husband asks his wife what the doctor said and she replies "He said you were going to die."

Joke: Two blondes fall into a hole in the ground. The first one says, "It sure is dark in here isn't it?"

The other blonde replies, "I don't know, I can't see."

Joke: "Sir, we're mining too many useless minerals!"
Hitler: "Mine less then..."
Awaiting Grammar Nazi barges in!
"Mine Fewer!"
Hitler: Yes?

Joke: A blonde, brunette, and red head are all spies and are caught behind enemy lines. They are all tied up in front of a firing squad.

As they are about to shoot the brunette yells "Tornado! Tornado!" All of the men run off to wait the tornado out and the brunette manages to escape.

Seeing what she had done the red head devises her own plan and when they return she yells "Earthquake! Earthquake!" Again all of the men scatter to wait it out and the red head escapes.

The blonde, being the genius she is, devises her own plan. As soon as the men return she yells "Fire! Fire!"

Joke: What do you call an angry grandpa?