Long Jokes

Joke: Once upon a time, there were two boys named "trouble" and "none of your business". one day, they were playing hide and seek. trouble hid and none of your business seeked. a policeman came by and asked "what is your name?" to none of you business. he answered "none of your business". the police got angry and said "are you looking for trouble!?" none of your buisiness replied "Yes I sure am!"

Joke: A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. After the game he asks her, "So what'd you think?"

She replies, "I like the tights and the muscles, but all of that commotion over 25 cents?"

He asks her what she means. She replies, "At the beginning they toss a quarter and one team gets it. Then they spend the rest of the game yelling, 'Get the quarter back!'"

Joke: Thomas has tried out for every school play since 2nd grade and he finally gets a part. He rushes home and yells to his father, "I got a part! I got a part!"

His dad asks him, "Oh yeah? Who do you play?"

His son replies, "I play a man who's been married for 30 years with 4 children."

The father says, "Oh, I'm sorry son. Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part."

Joke: A Rabbi and a Priest walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What?! If this is some sort of joke you have to leave!" So they both walk out.

A few minutes later a chicken walks into the bar. The bartender yells, "Come on! We don't even serve chickens!"

The chicken asks, "Do you know anywhere that does?"

The bartender replies, "Yeah... It's right across the road."

Joke: Thomas has been feeling sick lately so he goes to his doctor. After he receives his check-up his doctor calls him in "Tom, I've got some bad for you..."

Tom quickly asks "What is it?!"

The doctor tells him "You have about twelve to live."

Thomas waits a moment and asks "Twelve what? Years? Months? Weeks?"

The doctor continues "Eight! Seven! Six!..."