Long Jokes

Joke: Two men lost separated from their wives at a festival and are looking for them. They decide to help each other out. One man asks the other, "So what does your wife look like?"

He pulls out a picture and replies, "She's tall, blonde, fit, huge tits, voluptuous ass, beautiful face and loves sex. How about your wife?"

The other guy grabs the photo, "Screw her, lets just find yours."

Joke: Two men are out hunting when one of them suddenly drops dead. He calls 911 immediately. The operator says "Can I help you sir?"

The man replies "I think my friend is dead! Get an ambulance! What should I do?"

The operator replies "Okay, calm down sir. First we have to make sure he is dead."

There is silence, then a gun shot, then the man comes back on "Okay, what now?"

Joke: Stalin is giving a big speech when somebody sneezes, he abruptly stops, "Who was that?"

Nobody says a word. Stalin commands, "Execute the first row." The guards do so. "Now who was it?!"

Again nobody says anything. He commands, "Now the second row."

At this point a meek voice chirps, "It was me."

Stalin looks at the man and leans forward, "Bless you, comrade!"

Joke: Little Tommy asks his mom if he can have some animal crackers. His mom gives him a box of crackers and tells him he can have a few. His mom leaves and comes back in a few minutes finding all of the crackers on the floor with Tommy looking through them. His mother asks "What are you doing Tommy?"

Tommy replies "It said don't eat if the seal was already broken. But I can't find a seal!"

Joke: A blonde, brunette and a red head are stuck on an island; but they see land in the distance and decide to swim to it.

The brunette swims 1/4 of the way but can't continue and decides to turn back.

The red head swims 1/3 of the way but can't continue and decides to turn back.

The blonde swims 1/2 of the way but decides she can't continue and swims back to the island.