Long Jokes

Joke: A man wakes up on his 33rd birthday on the 3rd day of the third month to notice the clock is stuck at 3:33. He opens up the newspaper and notices in the sports section (page 3) horse #3 in the 3rd race of the day is running 33 to 1 odds.

He takes all of his life savings ($33,333.33) out of the bank and bets it on the horse.

To his surprise, it comes in 3rd.

Joke: The manager of a factory is looking to make the factory more cost efficient. He calls all of his employees to the floor and tells them, "The first man to come up with a great way for us to save money will get $5,000."

A man in front quickly raises his hand. The manager asks him, "That was quick, what's your idea Tom?"

Tom swiftly replies, "Make it $2,000?"

Joke: Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

Joke: A woman is at a gas station when she noticed a spaceship landing in front of her. An alien stepped out of the spaceship and started to pump gas into it.

The woman noticed that "UFO" was printed on the side of the ship. She turned to the alien and asked "Doesn't UFO stand for unidentified flying object?" The alien answered "No, it stands for unleaded fuel only!"

Joke: A man is trying to find a spot to park at his favorite bar but it's to busy. After ten minutes of looking he looks up to the sky and says "God, if you get me a space I will pray every day and go to church every Sunday like I should."

Suddenly a great spot opens up right in front of him. He looks up again with excitement and says "Never mind, I found one."