Funny Jokes

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
I eat mop.
I eat mop who?
Haha. Gross.

Joke: A blonde and a brunette are walking in the forest when they spot a forest fire. The blonde starts to put her running shoes on and the brunette tells her "There is no way you can outrun the fire."

The blonde replies "Don't have to... I just have to outrun you."

Joke: One day the triangle player of an orchestra gets very sick and goes the hospital. The entire day he practiced through his sneezing and sniffling. The next day he goes home to find his house surrounded by police cars. He asks a police officer, "What happened?"

The officer replies, "Your conductor came by your house to talk to you while you were at the hospital. He was angry that you missed rehearsal. When he got home and found that you weren't there he killed your entire family in anger."

The triangle player, stunned, looks deeply into the police officer's eyes with a single tear running down his face, "The conductor wanted to talk to me?"

Joke: There was an English man, and Irish man and a German man on a plane. There is too much cabin pressure, so the captain comes up to the English man and says: YOU, DROP AN ITEM. He chose a stone. There is still too much cabin pressure, so he parachutes out. When he lands, a man is crying. He asks the man what is wrong. The man says : WELL, I WAS OUT HERE POLISHING MY JAG, AND THIS STONE CAME FROM THE SKY AND DENTED THE BONNET.Back up on the plane, the Irish man drops an item. He drops a knife. He too has to parachute out. When he lands, a woman is crying. The woman tells him : I WAS OUT HERE GARDENING, AND THIS KNIFE FELL FROM THE SKY AND CUT MY PRIZE MELON IN HALF. Back up on the plane, the German drops an item. He drops a bomb. He too parachutes to the ground, but to the sound of utter laughter. He says : WHATS SO FUNNY?. man says : I WAS OUT HERE GARDENING, I FARTED AND NEXT DOORS HOUSE BLEW UP!

Joke: Why did the hipster burn his lips?