Funny Jokes

Joke: A woman says to her husband, "I'm sick of you pushing me around and talking behind my back!"

The husband replies, "But honey, your wheelchair!"

Joke: A termite walks into a bar and asks the waitress, is the bar tender here?

Joke: Why did the insomniac go to jail?

Joke: A kid is standing alone in the batter's box with a bat and a ball. He throws it up and swings at it, "Strike one!"

He throws it up again, "Strike two!"

He throws it up a third time, "Strike three! You're out!"

He grabs the ball and says, "Dang I'm a good pitcher!"

Joke: A man walks into a bar and orders three mugs of beer. The bartender tells him they will go flat while he drinks but the man explains to him, "I have two brothers. When we all left home we decided every night we will all go to the bar and have a drink for each of us."

This man becomes a regular and orders three beers every night. But a few months later he comes in silently and orders only two. The bar falls silent. The bartender approaches him and says, "I don't mean to intrude, but I'm sorry for your loss."

The man looks puzzled at first then laughs, "Oh no! My doctor said I had to quit drinking."