Funny Jokes

Joke: A man walks into a bar and orders three mugs of beer. The bartender tells him they will go flat while he drinks but the man explains to him, "I have two brothers. When we all left home we decided every night we will all go to the bar and have a drink for each of us."

This man becomes a regular and orders three beers every night. But a few months later he comes in silently and orders only two. The bar falls silent. The bartender approaches him and says, "I don't mean to intrude, but I'm sorry for your loss."

The man looks puzzled at first then laughs, "Oh no! My doctor said I had to quit drinking."

Joke: What branch of government actually listens to the people?

Joke: Mrs. Smith is teaching her 3rd grade class and tells them, "Human beings are the only species that can stutter."

A little girl named Emily replies, "That's not true, my little kitty stuttered the other day. Our neighbor's dog jumped over the fence the other day and my kitty said, 'Ffffff! Ffffff! Ffffff!'."

Mrs. Smith asks, "How is that stuttering?"

Emily replies, "Before she could say 'fuck' the dog got her."

Joke: Why'd the chicken jump of the cliff?

Joke: A pirate goes to the doctor to have a few of the moles on his back checked out. When the doctor is finished he tells the pirate, "You're okay, they're benign."

The pirate responds, "Check again doc, there be at least twelve of them."