Funny Jokes

Joke: An ant and a centipede are hanging out and they run out of pop. The ant is going to get more but the centipede tells him, "Let me go, I'm faster with all of my legs." The ant agrees.

After waiting a couple of hours the ant calls the centipede, "What's taking so long?"

The centipede replies, "Hold on, I almost have my shoes on."

Joke: A penguin is driving down the road when his car stops running. He takes it in to the nearest mechanic and takes a walk while they look at it. While walking he grabs some ice cream, then he heads back to the mechanic. The mechanic tells him, "Looks like you blew a seal."

The penguin blushes, "No, that's just ice cream."

Joke: Why do stupid people use big words when they don't know what it means?

Joke: A motorist is speeding down the road when he is pulled over. The officer tells him, "Sir do you realize how fast you were going?"

The motorist replies, "Yeah I know, but I have to go."

The cop interrupts him, "Not so fast. You're going to have to wait for the chief to get back in a few hours."

The cop immediately takes the man to jail. After a few hours the cop tells the man, "You're lucky, the chief is on his way back from his daughter's wedding, he'll be in a good mood."

The man replies, "I doubt it."

The cop snaps back, "Why do you say that?"

The man replies, "I'm the groom!"

Joke: A man asked his girlfriend for a newspaper and she replied, "Don't be silly, just use my iPad."

At first he was hesitant, but the fly never saw it coming.