Funny Jokes

Joke: Four ladies are sitting together talking about their sons. The first one brags, "My son is is a bishop, every time he walks into a room people say, 'Your excellence'."

The second lady brags, "My son is is a cardinal, every time he walks into a room people say, 'Your eminence'."

The third lady brags, "My son is is the pope, every time he walks into a room people say, 'Your holiness'."

The final lady says, "My son doesn't have a title, he weighs 500 pounds and is only 5 feet tall. But every time he walks into a room everybody says, 'Oh my god!'"

Joke: A blonde girl takes her goldfish to the vet and tells the vet "I think my goldfish is having seizures."

The vet looks into the bowl, "Looks fine to me."

The girl snaps back at him, "Hold on! Let me get him out of his bowl first!"

Joke: Three swordsmen are competing to see who is the best in the world. The judges tell the first man to step up and they release a fly. With the flick of his wrist the fly hits the ground in two pieces. The crowd bursts into applause.

Next the judges tell the second man to step up and they release a fly. With two flicks of his wrist the fly hits the ground in four pieces. The crowd explodes in applause.

Finally, they tell the third swordsman to step up and release a fly. He swings wildly at the fly but the fly continues to buzz. The crowd begins to laugh and a judge informs him, "The fly is still alive..."

The man replies, "Yes, but he will never have kids again."

Joke: A king is about to go to war so he locks up his beautiful wife and hands his best friend a key, "If I'm not back in 4 days, she's yours."

The king rides off to war, but he immediately sees his friend riding up beside him. "What's wrong?" Demands the king.

His friend replies with labored breath, "Wrong key."

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Ding dong!
Ding dong who?
Ding dong, I just found the doorbell.