Funny Jokes

Joke: A pregnant woman asked her boss if she could have the day off because she wasn't feeling too well. He tells her the only way she is leaving work is if she starts her contractions. So she yells "Can't, didn't, won't, shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't!"

Joke: A new father is sitting down with his father for a drink. His dad tells him, "Now that you're a father yourself it's time I give you something."

He replies, "Dad, you're not talking about-."

His father interrupts, "Yes. It's time." With this he hands him a copy of '1000 Dad Jokes, 6th Edition' to his son.

He says with a tear in his eye, "Dad, I'm honored."

"Hi honored," his father replies, "I'm dad."

Joke: Three men are traveling though the dessert and they are very thirsty. They come to a mysterious water slide in the middle of the dessert that has instructions at the top: "Slide down and yell the drink of your choice and at the bottom you will find a pool of that beverage."

The three men are very excited. The first man slides down and yells "Milk!" He then falls into a pool of water.

The next man goes down and yells "Lemonade!" He falls into a pool full of it.

The final man goes down and overwhelmed with excitement he yells "Weeee!"

Joke: Why does nobody talk to pi?

Joke: A blonde started riding a horse. She jumped right on and the horse took off. She soon lost control and began flailing her arms around trying to regain control; she thought she was a goner for sure. If it wasn't for the Walmart greeter unplugging it who knows what could have happened.