Funny Jokes

Joke: A blonde and a lawyer are sitting next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks the blonde if she wants to play a game, "All you have to do is ask a question and if i get it wrong or don't know it i give you five dollars, then i ask you a question and if you get it wrong you pay me five dollars."

"No," she says, "I just want to sleep."

He keeps asking and she finally gives in when he says if he gets it wrong he will pay her five hundred dollars, but she still only has to pay five dollars.

"What is the distance from the earth to the moon?" he asks.

She gives him 5 dollars. "What goes up the hill with four legs and comes down with five?" she asks.

He pulls out his laptop and searches it, but finds nothing. Then he emails his friends. After an hour, he still hasn't got an answer, he hands her 500 dollars. Then he asks her, "So what is the answer?"

She hands him 5 dollars.

Joke: Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.

The Lord's prayer: 66 words.

Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.

The 10 Commandments: 179 words.

The Gettysburg address: 286 words.

The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.

The US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words.

Joke: A blonde walks into a bar yelling, "65 days!"

A guy asks her, "What's in 65 days?"

The blonde replies, "I completed the puzzle in 65 days! The box said 2 to 4 years!"

Joke: Why can't you trust atoms?

Joke: A man's children were curious about their names. The man's daughter asked him, "Dad, how did i get my name?" The father replied, "Well, you were laying down under a tree and a rose fell on your head, so i named you rose."

The second daughter asked, "Dad, how did i get MY name?" The father replied. "Well, you were laying down under a tree and a lily fell on your head, so i named you Lily."

Then his son came in the room and yelled, "RAAAAAAAHHHHHHRRRRRR!!!"

The father replied, "Shut up, Brick!"