Funny Jokes

Joke: A group full of very ugly people die in a bus accident. When they come to God he grants them all one last wish. The first person says "I wish I was beautiful!" God makes them beautiful. This goes on and all of the people wish to be beautiful until he gets to the last person. The last person is laughing historically and God asks him "Why are you laughing?" The man replies "I wish they were all ugly again."

Joke: A woman says to her husband, "I'm sick of you pushing me around and talking behind my back!"

The husband replies, "But honey, your wheelchair!"

Joke: A man is giving his son advice, "Whenever you buy something on the street, offer them half of what they want."

So the boy is our one day and wants to buy a Coke. He approaches a street vendor and asks how much. The vendor replies, "$2.56."

The boy says, "I'll give you $1.28." The vendor is outraged at first and tries to negotiate a higher price, but fails. He finally gives in, "Okay, $1."

The boy replies, "64 cents." The vendor is outraged but eventually agrees again.

This continues until the price is at 2 cents. The vendor says, "It's pointless now, just have it for free."

The boy says, "I'll take two."

Joke: Mrs. Smith is teaching her 3rd grade class and tells them, "Human beings are the only species that can stutter."

A little girl named Emily replies, "That's not true, my little kitty stuttered the other day. Our neighbor's dog jumped over the fence the other day and my kitty said, 'Ffffff! Ffffff! Ffffff!'."

Mrs. Smith asks, "How is that stuttering?"

Emily replies, "Before she could say 'fuck' the dog got her."

Joke: Why is the sky covered with clouds when it is storming?