Funny Jokes

Joke: A man and his wife go to the doctor's office. After the doctor sees him he calls in his wife and she asks "Is my husband okay Doctor?"

The doctor replies "Well, he will be if you do everything I say. You have to prepare all of his meals for him every day. You also have to do all of his chores, never nag at him, and most importantly you must massage him three times a day. Do this for about a year and he will live."

Later in the car the husband asks his wife what the doctor said and she replies "He said you were going to die."

Joke: Two blondes fall into a hole in the ground. The first one says, "It sure is dark in here isn't it?"

The other blonde replies, "I don't know, I can't see."

Joke: "Sir, we're mining too many useless minerals!"
Hitler: "Mine less then..."
Awaiting Grammar Nazi barges in!
"Mine Fewer!"
Hitler: Yes?

Joke: Why did the hipster burn his lips?

Joke: The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."

So the Doberman says "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies "That's not good enough."

The Bulldog says "I hate liver and cheese." She says "Still not good enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says "Liver alone... cheese mine."