nightfuryfan
Daniel

Joke: One day a blond woman arrives at a shoe store wanting to buy alligator shoes. The man at the counter shows her some very high quality alligator shoes. However, the blond gets mad at him then. "These shoes are really expensive! There's no way I can afford these!" The man just calmly replied, "I'm sorry, I don't make the prices. Plus, alligator shoes are very high quality and exquisite shoes." The blond then yells, "You know what? I'll just go kill an alligator and get my own shoes for FREE!" The man scoffs at her. "Good luck with that," he yells at her as she storms out of the store. Later that day, on his way home, the man passes a lake. He looks towards it and sees the blond kill an alligator with one solid punch. She then proceeds to drag it out onto the land, where a line of many dead alligators lined the water. The blond then shouts, "Dang it! This one is barefoot too!"

Joke: [This will only be funny if you are telling a couple of friends] Once I had an odd dream where I died and went to heaven. The first thing I noticed upon arriving in the wondrous place...was the fact that I had an ugly woman with her arm strapped to mine. Now this was no ordinary ugly woman. It was the downright most hideous hag I had ever seen...wrinkled, warty, covered in moles...just the ugliest thing imaginable. I thought this didn't seem right, so I found a man nearby, also with an equally as ugly woman strapped onto his arm. "What's up with these ugly old hags?" The man said, "Well, everyone has to escort these hags around as payment for their sins." I was unhappy with the thought, but I just proceeded taking in all of the surroundings. After a while I happened upon [Friend 1]...escorting a hag, as expected. [Friend 2] was also in the area, with a hag even uglier than mine. However, when I saw [Friend 3], my jaw dropped. Instead of the ugly hag everyone else had, he just had this beautiful, radiant, young woman with him. I was astounded and angry all at once. He smirked as him and the woman walked away. I was angry about this, so I went to an angel and said, "What's up with [Friend 3] and his beautiful woman! Why do we get ugly women while he gets that woman!" The angel just said, "Look, Miss America has to repay her sin too!"

Joke: Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. The cop says to the man, "Are you aware of how fast you were going?"

The man replies, "Yes I am. I'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in."

The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, "Were you the one being robbed?"

The man casually replies, "No, I committed the robbery."

The cop looks shocked that the man admitted this. "So you're telling me you were speeding...AND committed a robbery?"

"Yes," the man calmly says. "I have the loot in the back."

The cop begins to get angry. "Sir, I'm afraid you have to come with me." The cop reaches in the window to subdue the man.

"Don't do that!" the man yells fearfully. "I'm scared you will find the gun in my glove compartment!" The cop pulls his hand out. "Wait here," he says.

The cop calls for backup. Soon cops, cars, and helicopters are flooding the area. The man is cuffed quickly and taken towards a car. However, before he gets in, a cop walks up to him and says, while gesturing to the cop that pulled him over, "Sir, this officer informed us that you had committed a robbery, had stolen loot in the trunk of your car, and had a loaded gun in your glove compartment. However, we found none of these things in your car."

The man replies, "Yeah, and I bet that liar said I was speeding too!"