Funny Jokes

Joke: Why do police get up so early?

Joke: A boss was complaining in a staff meeting one day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said, "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

Joke: A Texan man orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, "Everybody drink! My wife just gave birth to a Texan boy. He weighs 30 pounds!" Everybody celebrates and is in awe of the baby's size.

A week later he goes to the same bar and orders some whiskey. The bartender gives him it and asks, "Aren't you that fella that had the 30 pound baby? How's he?"

The Texan replies, "Actually he's 25 pounds now."

The bartender asks him, "Wow, is everything okay?."

The Texan leans back and smugly replies, "We had him circumcised."

Joke: What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Joke: A faith healer visits a small town. During his healing session a man with crutches approaches him, "Ever since I was a boy I couldn't walk without these, can you heal me?"

The healer yells back, "All that believe will receive! Go behind the curtain."

Another man approaches him, "F-f-f-fix my st-st-st-stutter?"

The healer yells back, "All that believe will receive! Go behind the curtain."

The healer starts praying and yells, "Drop your crutches!" He continues to pray and yells, "Now tell us in a clear voice, how do you feel?"

The man replies, "The f-f-fucker f-f-fell on his f-f-f-f-face."