Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man went to the doctor because he could no longer get an erection. The doctor told him to bring his wife in. So the next day the man comes in with his wife. First, the doctor tells her, "Take off all of your clothes." So she does.

Next he tells her, "Now turn around... Okay, good. Now lie down." With this he pulls the man aside and tells him, "You are perfectly healthy. I didn't get a boner either."

Joke: A man walks into the bank and walks up to the teller. She asks him "Can I help you sir?"

The man replies "Yeah, I want to open up a fucking bank account."

She tells him "Sir, we don't tolerate that sort of language here." She then gets the manager, who agrees that she should not put up with the man's language.

The manager approaches the man and asks "Sir, do we have an issue here?"

The man replies "No! I just want to put this motherfucking 100 million dollars I won in the goddamn lottery into a bank account."

"Oh," says the manager, "was this bitch giving you trouble, sir?"

Joke: A man and his wife were having financial troubles so they decide she should work the streets to make some extra money.

She comes home that night with $31.25. He asks her, "Who the hell gave you a quarter?"

She replies, "All of them."

Joke: A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a zoophile, a necrophiliac, and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution. "Let's have sex with a cat." Suggested the zoophile. "Let's have sex with a cat and then torture it," suggests the sadist. "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it and then kill it!" shouted the murderer. "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophiliac. "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it" said the pyromaniac. There was silence, then the masochist said: "Meow."

Joke: What's the difference between your penis and your paycheck?