Dirty Jokes

Joke: What two things are parents worried about these days?

Joke: Three dudes are talking about their wedding nights. The first says, "I got way too drunk. Out of habit I handed her $50 when we were done. She called me a 'whore monger' and ignored me the entire honeymoon."

The next guy says, "Same here. I got wasted and after we had sex I gave her $60. She slapped me and didn't talk to me for a week!"

The third guy says, "I've got you both beat."

One of the other guys asks, "Yeah, how?"

He replies, "I got totally smashed on my wedding night. After we had sex I handed my wife $100... She gave me $70 change."

Joke: A man walks into the kitchen and finds his wife boiling eggs. She looks at him passionately, lays on the counter, and says, "Make love to me Randy!"

Not wanting to lose the chance he embraces her quickly and they make passionate love.

When they are finished he asks her, "What was that about?"

She replies, "The egg timer was broken."

Joke: A sailor walks into a bathroom and sees a kid looking at him. The kid asks him, "Mister, are you a sailor?"


The kid says yes and puts the hat on. A few minutes later a marine walks into the bathroom and the kid is staring at him, "Mister, are you a marine?"

He replies, "Yeah... Why? You wanna hold my dick or something?"

The kid replies, "No thanks. I'm not a sailor, I'm just wearing his hat."

Joke: A husband takes his wife golfing for the first time. He warns her to be careful but on her first drive she sends a long drive directly to her left into a large window of a mansion. "Jeez! I told you to be careful. Let's go apologize and see how much that will cost us."

They go to the front door of the house and hear a booming voice, "Come in!" As they enter the house they see glass everywhere, a broken antique lamp, and a man sitting in a large recliner.

"We're really sorry, sir," The husband apologizes.

The man in the recliner replies, "Don't worry about it, I've been stuck in that lamp for some time. You see, I'm a genie. I have three wishes to grant. I'll give one to each of you and save the last one for myself if you don't mind. So what are your wishes?"

The husband, shocked, says, "I want ten million dollars!"

The genie says, "The money is waiting for you at your house. And you?"

The wife says, "I wish for a large house in every country with maids and servants!"

The genie closes his eyes and focuses, "Done! They are all safe and sound. Now it is time for my wish. I want to have sex with your wife."

The man and his wife look at each other shocked. The wife says, "He did give us ten million dollars and countless homes... What do you think?"

The man replies, "He's just a genie, and he did do a lot for us."

So the wife and the genie go upstairs and enjoy each other for hours. After hours of passionate lovemaking the genie rolls over, "How old are you and your husband?"

She replies, "We're both 30. It's great what you did for us."

The genie replies, "It's great that you guys are 30 years old and still believe in genies."