Dirty Jokes

Joke: A priest is walking down the street and as he walks by a prostitute she yells out, "$20 for a handjob!"

He keeps walking but later he asks a nun, "What is a handjob?"

She replies, "$20, same as on the streets."

Joke: How do we know the iPhone 6 Plus was made by a man?

Joke: A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

Joke:  Little Johny and little Suzi are playing in the woods. They both have to pee so little Johny unzips and whips it out and starts peeing at the same time little Suzi reaches under her dress and pulls her panties down, squats, and starts peeing. Little Johny looks at little Suzy and asks her where her thing is. At the same time she is asking him what is that thing sticking out from him. That night after dinner, both ask their parents about it. The next day they are playing out in the woods and little Johny has to pee. He unzips and pulls it out and says, "My daddy told me what this is." Little Suzy asks what and he replies, "My daddy told me that with one of these (pointing at his penis) I can get one of those (pointing at her crotch). Little Suzy tells him, "Aw that's nothin. My mommy told me that with one of these (pointing at her crotch) I can get as many of those as I want (pointing at his penis).

Joke: A wealthy business man is trying to find his future wife. He finds three business savvy women and gives them each ten thousand dollars. They can do whatever they want with it, they just have to come back in six weeks to tell him what they did with it.

After six weeks the three women meet the business man. The business man says, 'What did you spend the money on, Number One?'

Number One says, 'I invested in bonds and made $1500.' The business man asks the second woman the same question. She says, 'I invested in stocks and made $1700.'

The business man asks Number Three the same question.

Number Three says, 'I invested in a CD that only made $1200.' After thinking for a long time, the business man finally came to a decision. Can you figure out which one he picked? The one with biggest tits, of course.