Dirty Jokes

Joke: A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

Joke: A priest, a pedophile, and a rapist walk into a bar... And that's just the first guy!

Joke: What happened to the orange who slept with the dirty lemon?

Joke: A janitor working at a church is sweeping the floors when a priest approaches him in a hurry, "Hey! I have to use the bathroom, can you hear confessions for a bit?"

The janitor replies, "I have no idea what penance to give."

The father replies, "There's a little chart on the wall, it's easy."

The janitor agrees and gets in the box. Within minutes people start coming in. The first person says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned, it has been 1 month since my last confession and I have lied."

The janitor scans the chart, "Lies, lies, lies. Here we go! Say 5 Hail Mary's and 5 Our Fathers!"

The next person comes in, "Forgive me father for I have sinned, it's been 6 month since my last confession and I committed adultery."

The janitor find adultery, "Adultery, adultery... There! Say 10 Hail Mary's and 10 Our Fathers!"

A third person comes in and says, "Forgive me father I have sinned, it has been a year since my last confession and I performed oral sex 8 times on different men."

Again, the janitor scans the chart but he can't find oral sex. He cracks open the confessional and stops an alter boy, "Hey, what does the priest usually give for oral sex?"

The alter boy replies, "Most of the time some candy and a Coke."

Joke: Two girls, one blonde and one brunette, are walking down the street and they see an attractive guy. They strike up a conversation with him and notice he has dandruff. After they part ways the brunette tells the blonde, "We should give him Head & Shoulders."

The blonde replies "How do you give shoulders?"