Dirty Jokes

Joke: What three words does no woman want to hear during sex?

Joke: A man goes to a restaurant and asks how much a coffee will be. The waiter responds, "A penny."

The man, surprised, then asks how much it is for a steak. The waiter responds, "A nickel."

The man who is now confused asks to see the owner, but the waiter informs him, "He is upstairs with my wife."

The man asks him what he is doing up there with his wife and the waiter responds, "The same thing I'm doing down here with his business."

Joke: A man walks into his doctor's office. His doctor tells him, "Your wife's results came back positive. I can't remember if it was AIDS or Alzheimer's though."

The man replies, "That's not very helpful. Can you just test her again?"

The doctor replies, "How about you leave her in the middle of the forest and if she finds her way home don't fuck her."

Joke: A woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks them for 2 tattoos. She wants a Christmas tree on one of her thigh and a turkey on the other. When they finished the tattoos the artist asked her why she got those tattoos.

She replied 'My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas.'

Joke: What do 98 percent of men do after an orgasm?