Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man goes to the bar and orders five shots, quickly downing them. The bartender asks him, "What are you celebrating?"

The man replies, "First blowjob."

The bar tender asks him, "How about another one then?!"

The man replies, "No thanks, if five didn't get the taste out of my mouth nothing will."

Joke: What's the difference between a farmer with epilepsy and a whore that has diarrhea?

Joke: A couple has been happily married for ten years and have 4 kids. But for their entire relationship they have never had sex with the lights on because the husband refuses to ever have sex with the lights on. But one night, his wife decides to flick the lights on in the middle of sex. When she does she looks down and sees her husband using a dildo instead of his penis.

She becomes furious and yells at him, "Have you been doing this our entire relationship? You have some explaining to do!"

He looks at her, stunned, and says, "I'll explain this when you explain the kids."

Joke: A 100-year-old man enters a Catholic confessional and admits "Father, last night I had sex with a couple of 18-year-old girls for hours."

The priest sternly replies "That is a sin, I'm going to give you a penance."

The old man laughs "That won't be necessary father, I'm Jewish."

The father, confused, asks "Why are you telling me this?"

"I'm telling everyone!"

Joke: Young Billy walked in on his father one day in the bathroom. He asked his dad what was hanging between his legs. His father told him that is was a perfect penis. At school the next day Billy pulls down his pants.

"What is that?" asked Sally.

"Well," Billy said, ''if it was a few inches smaller it would be a perfect penis."