Dirty Jokes

Joke: After twenty years of marriage a man and his wife go to the hotel they celebrated their first night of marriage in. The wife strips her clothes off and asks, "What did you think when you saw me naked for the first time?"

The husband replies, "I wanted to fuck you stupid and suck those titties dry."

She smiles and asks him, "What do you think now?"

He replies, "I think I did a pretty damn good job."

Joke: A bunch of nuns die in a freak accident. When they arrive to heaven they meet Saint Peter at the pearly gates. The first nun approaches him.

"Sister, have you ever touched a penis?" he asked.

The nun blushes and says "Well, once I touched one. But just with my finger tip."

Saint Peter says "Just dip your finger tips in the holy water and all will be forgiven." He asks the next nun the same question.

She replies giggling "Well, I gave a man a hand job once."

"Just dip your hands into the holy water and all will be forgiven," he says again.

Suddenly there is a lot of movement among the nuns. "What is going on?" Saint Peter asks.

One nun comes forward and says "If I'm going to have to gargle the holy water I'm doing it before Sister Mary dips her ass in it!"

Joke: A man's soon to be bride asks him, "What is a penis?"

He tells her, "You'll find out on our wedding night."

Their wedding night comes and he takes down his pants and tells her, "That my dear, is a penis."

His wife replies, "Oh! So it's like a cock, just smaller."

Joke: Why did the man have to get out of Mississippi as fast as he could?

Joke: What do 98 percent of men do after an orgasm?