Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man walks into the kitchen and finds his wife boiling eggs. She looks at him passionately, lays on the counter, and says, "Make love to me Randy!"

Not wanting to lose the chance he embraces her quickly and they make passionate love.

When they are finished he asks her, "What was that about?"

She replies, "The egg timer was broken."

Joke: How do we know the iPhone 6 Plus was made by a man?

Joke: A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

Joke:  Little Johny and little Suzi are playing in the woods. They both have to pee so little Johny unzips and whips it out and starts peeing at the same time little Suzi reaches under her dress and pulls her panties down, squats, and starts peeing. Little Johny looks at little Suzy and asks her where her thing is. At the same time she is asking him what is that thing sticking out from him. That night after dinner, both ask their parents about it. The next day they are playing out in the woods and little Johny has to pee. He unzips and pulls it out and says, "My daddy told me what this is." Little Suzy asks what and he replies, "My daddy told me that with one of these (pointing at his penis) I can get one of those (pointing at her crotch). Little Suzy tells him, "Aw that's nothin. My mommy told me that with one of these (pointing at her crotch) I can get as many of those as I want (pointing at his penis).

Joke: Two nuns are taking a walk when they are attacked by vampires. One of the nuns yells "Sister Annie! Show them your cross!"

Sister Annie runs at the vampires and yells "Get the fuck out of here!"