Dirty Jokes

Joke: What's the difference between lesbians and children?

Joke: A man named Paddy goes to a toastmaster contest. He wins the best toast of the night with, "Here's to the last 20 years of me life, spend between me wife's legs."

When he gets home she asks him how it went and he tells her that he won. When she asks him about his toast he tells her, "I said, 'Here's to the last 20 years of me life, spend at the church and with my wife'."

She smiles and kisses him on the cheek.

A few days later she is at the grocery store and sees one of the other men at the competition. He tells her, "You're husband she did give a beautiful speech."

She replies, "He wasn't being completely honest. He's only been there twice since I've known him. He fell asleep one of the times and the other time I have to pull him by the ear to get him to come."

Joke: When you read a book about how bad smoking is for you, you quit smoking.

When you read a book about how bad drinking is for you, you quit drinking.

When you read a book about how bad sex is for you, you quit reading.

Joke: What did the boy with no arms get for his birthday?

Joke: A man walks into an elevator with a woman and asks her, "Can I smell your vagina?"

The woman yells at him, "No!"

He replies, "Oh, must be your feet then."