Dirty Jokes

Joke: Three men are captured and are going to be killed. The only way they can live is if they pass a trial. They must go into the jungle and find ten pieces of fruit.

The first man comes back quickly with ten apples. The leader of the men who captured them then says, "Now you must shove them up your ass without facial expression."

The man puts the first apple up there with no problem. But on the second apple he winces and is killed.

The next man comes back with some small berries. They tell him the same thing. Suddenly, while he is putting the tenth berry up there he bursts into laughter.

The first man and the second man meet in heaven. The first man asks, "You were so close, why did you laugh?"

He replies, "I saw the last guy returning with pineapples."

Joke: A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, "Give it to me straight doc!"

The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male."

They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want HIV."

Joke: A chicken and an egg are in bed. The chicken lays there satisfied as the egg, frustrated, lights up a cigarette and says, "At least we answered that question."

Joke: A man goes to a Japan on business and hires a prostitute for the night. He doesn't speak any Japanese and she barely speaks any English. While they are going at it she yells out, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Knowing that she has been satisfied he goes to bed.

The next day he plays golf and one of his associates gets a hole in one. Everyone goes crazy, so to enjoy in the excitement he yells, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"

Everybody goes silent and one of his Japanese associates says, "What do you mean wrong hole?"

Joke: How do you titillate an ocelot?