Dirty Jokes

Joke: Steve Irwin walks into a bar with his pet crocodile. He sets it on the counter and announces to the bar, "Let's all make a deal. I'm going to put my scrotum in the crocodile's mouth and shut it. After a minute I'll open his mouth and my testicles will be fine. If I can do it, you all get me a beer!"

The entire bar shouts their approval so he opens the crocodile's mouth, puts his genitals in, and shuts its mouth. After a minute of drinking a beer Steve takes his empty bottle and cracks the crocodile over the head with it causing him to open his mouth. Steve takes his genitals out unscathed as promised. Then he announces, "If anyone else can do it I'll give 'em $100!"

After a few minutes of silence a shy blonde woman walks over to him and says, "I'll try that, just don't hit me so hard with the bottle."

Joke: Tyler is watering his lawn when one of his old friends Connor happens to walk by. They get to talking and Tyler asks Connor "What have you been doing?"

Connor replies "I'm studying logic."

Tyler asks "What exactly is logic?"

Connor says "I'll give you an example. You have a dog, children, and you are heterosexual. Right?"

Tyler gets excited "Yeah! How did you know that?"

Connor answers "I noticed you had a dog house, and I noticed those bikes in your garage. So I knew you had kids and a dog. Since you have kids you are probably heterosexual."

A week later Tyler runs into another one of his friends, Chandler, and tells him of his encounter with Connor. Chandler asks him what logic is so Tyler asks "Do you have a dog?"

Chandler replies "No."

Tyler says "That means you're gay!"

Joke: Three pregnant women are discussing their babies and the first says "I know I'm going to have a boy, I'm always on the bottom when we have sex."

The second woman says "I'm definitely going to have a girl, I'm always on top."

The final woman eyes get wide as she says "If that's how it works I guess I'm having a doggy."

Joke: A young bachelor goes to the store to buy a few things: a case of beer, some condoms, and a bag of chips. He goes to checkout and the lady cashier says "You must be single."

He asks her "You knew that from just what I'm buying?"

She replies "No, you're just really ugly."

Joke: A chicken and an egg are in bed. The chicken lays there satisfied as the egg, frustrated, lights up a cigarette and says, "At least we answered that question."