Dirty Jokes

 

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Joke: A guy moves into a new house just outside of the city. While he is unpacking his car a truck pulls up and the window rolls down "Hey there neighbor! I just saw you were moving in and I wanted to invite you to a welcome party."

The guy puts his box down and replies "That sounds great."

The guy gets out of his truck and says "Yeah, there will be drinking, fighting, dancing and sex."

The new guy replies "Oh, okay. What should I wear?"

"You look fine," the neighbor replies, "It's just gonna be me and you anyways."


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Joke: A man accidentally sent a picture of his penis to everybody in his address book.

Not only did he feel stupid afterwords, it cost him 20 dollars in stamps!


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Joke: A military captain approaches a prostitute and asks her, "Would you enjoy my company for $100?"

She replies, "Of course, a handsome military man like you."

The captain turns around, "COMPANY! FORWARD!"


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Joke: If you have a giant green ball in your right hand and a giant green ball in you left hand, what do you have?


Punch line: The Jolly Green Giant's full attention.


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Joke: A married couple is remodeling their home and getting new doors so the husband asks his wife to go get hinges. She goes to the hardware store, picks out the hinges, and pays for them. As she is leaving the clerk realizes that she didn't get a screw for the hinge and says "Hey! Do you want a screw for that hinge?"

She looks at him and says "No I got it, but I'll blow you for that coffee maker."


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