Dirty Jokes

Joke: Three men are captured and are going to be killed. The only way they can live is if they pass a trial. They must go into the jungle and find ten pieces of fruit.

The first man comes back quickly with ten apples. The leader of the men who captured them then says, "Now you must shove them up your ass without facial expression."

The man puts the first apple up there with no problem. But on the second apple he winces and is killed.

The next man comes back with some small berries. They tell him the same thing. Suddenly, while he is putting the tenth berry up there he bursts into laughter.

The first man and the second man meet in heaven. The first man asks, "You were so close, why did you laugh?"

He replies, "I saw the last guy returning with pineapples."

Joke: What happened to the orange who slept with the dirty lemon?

Joke: A guy is getting busy with a call girl and he finds a piece of corn. He gags a little bit but gets over it and continues going down on her. But he later finds a chunk of carrot and says "I'm going to be sick."

The prostitute looks at him and says "Huh, that's what the last guy said!"

Joke: Two trees are next to each other in the forest, a birch and a beech. A sapling sprouts up between them but they don't know whose it is.

A woodpecker shows up and lands on the sapling. The trees ask him, "We can't tell whose sapling that is. Is it a son of a birch or son of a beech?"

The woodpecker says, "It's neither, but it is the best piece of ash I've ever put my pecker in."

Joke: While Mrs. Jones is cooking dinner she sees that the cookie jar is open and that it is wet and sticky. She goes to her husband and asks him about it. He says he has no idea. Then she walks into her son little Billy's room. She is shocked to see him eating cookies with condoms on his hands.

"Why do you have condoms on your hands!?" she asked him.

He looks at her and says, "I heard daddy on the phone. He said when he uses them you never catch him!"