Dirty Jokes

Joke: How do you know a homeless man has a girlfriend?

Joke: Why should you never masturbate on an airplane?

Joke: A man turns forty so he goes to the doctor for his first rectal exam. A week later he comes in for another rectal exam and the doctor says "I guess you can never be too safe."

Two days later the man comes in requesting the same exam and the doctor says "Are you sure? I guess it's your money."

Suddenly the doctor feels a prick on his finger. He says "Here's your problem, you have a dozen roses in your rectum."

The man grins at him and says "Read the card. Read the card!"

Joke: One morning a husband and wife are having sex and the wife says 'the Viagra is great! let me fix us a wholesome breakfast.' The husband says 'No, I'm not hungry after I take Viagra.'

Later that day, the wife says 'Honey, I want to do something nice for you, let me make you a big lunch.' The husband refuses once again, 'The Viagra just takes away all of my hunger.'

A long time after dinner she asks 'Are you hungry yet? I'll make you a steak dinner'. The husband continues to say he isn't hungry, 'The Viagra just kills my appetite.' But the wife firmly says 'I don't care. I'm getting something to eat, so get off of me!'

Joke: A blonde woman comes home to discover her husband naked in bed. He begins to have a heart attack so she runs to the phone to call the police. At this point her daughter runs up to her and says "Aunt Lilly is in your closet and she's naked."

The blonde woman slams down the phone and runs to the closet and opens the door. Sure enough, there is her sister hiding behind their clothes. The blonde woman, now furious, yells "My husband is having a heart attack and all you are doing is running around naked scaring my kids?"