Dirty Jokes

Joke: What's better than a sweater at Christmas?

Joke: Johnny came to school with a black eye so his teacher asked him what had happened. He told her, "My family doesn't have any money so me, my mom, and my dad all share a bed. My dad asked me if I was asleep yet and I told him no, so he hit me."

His teacher told him, "Tonight when you go to bed, if your dad asks you if you're awake just pretend to be asleep."

The next day Johnny came in with two black eyes. His teacher, appalled, asks him what happened. Johnny replies, "So I did what you said. Then the bed started shaking and my mom was yelling and my dad was grunting. After a while my mom yelled, 'I'm coming! Are you coming!' Then he yelled back that he was coming. But my parents never go anywhere without me, so I yelled, 'Wait for me, I'm coming too!'"

Joke: A blonde goes into the gynecologist. When he asks her what the problem is she replies, "Something is extremely wrong. I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina!"

He takes a look and laughs, "Dear, those aren't stamps. Those are stickers from the bananas."

Joke: Have you seen the new movie Constipated?

Joke: A male whale sees the harpoon ship that killed his parents years ago. He quickly swims to his wife and tells her he wants to attack the harpoon ship. She tells him they will surely die but after he tells her his plan she agrees to help him.

Both of the whales get under the boat and begin to blow air bubbles at the boat. The boat starts to rock and eventually tips over. The male whale starts to eat the sailors but his wife swims away. So he asks her "Why aren't you eating them?"

She replies "I agreed to blow, but I'm not going to swallow seamen."