Dirty Jokes

Joke: A guy goes to a whorehouse and when the prostitute sees his 20-inch penis she nearly faints. She tells him, "I'll touch it, lick it, and suck it; but I'm not putting it in me."

The guy walks over to the table and takes back his money saying, "No thanks, I can do all of that myself."

Joke: Why do one story whorehouses make more money than two story whorehouses?

Joke: (The maid has just asked for a raise)
Mrs. Smith: "Why do you think you deserve a raise?"
Maid: "I have three reasons. The first is that I cook better than you."
Mrs. Smith: "Who told you that?"
Maid: "Your husband did. The second reason is that I clean better than you do."
Mrs. Smith: "Who told you that?"
Maid: "Your husband did. The final reason is that I am better in bed than you are."
Mrs. Smith: "I suppose my husband said that too?!"
Maid: "No, the gardener."
Mrs. Smith: "How much do you want?"

Joke: How do we know the iPhone 6 Plus was made by a man?

Joke: What's the difference between your penis and your paycheck?