Dirty Jokes

Joke: An old man from Italy goes to church to give a confessional. When the priest slides open the panel, the man tells him "Father, I feel terrible. During World War II a beautiful Jewish woman came to my house and I hid her in my attic."

The priest replies "That's wonderful, why would you confess that?"

The man says "After a while she began repaying me in sexual favors, several times a week."

The priest replies "You did a great thing. People in those sorts of situations can succumb to the pleasures of the flesh. But if you're sorry, then you are forgiven."

The man replies "Great! But father, there's one more thing."

The priest says "Yes my son?"

The man replies "Should I tell her the war is over?"

Joke: A proctologist is writing up a prescription for a patient so he reaches into his pocket for his pen. But all he finds is a rectal thermometer.

He looks at his patient and yells, "Some asshole has my pen!"

Joke: What's the difference between an erection and election?

Joke: A small man goes to jail. His first day in the showers a very large man approaches him and asks him, "With or without spit?"

The small man knows it will happen no matter what he says or does, replies meekly, "With spit."

The large man shouts to another inmate, "Hey spit! This dude wants a threesome!"

Joke: A man's wife is standing in front of a mirror naked and says "Look at me. I'm fat, wrinkly, and old. Is there anything still good about me honey?"

Her husband responds "You have great eyesight!"