Dirty Jokes

Joke: What gets bigger every time you see your wife?

Joke: A man goes to a restaurant where he sees a sign on the wall that says: "If we can't fill your order, we'll give you $500."

So when the waitress comes to his table he orders, "I'll have rye toast with elephant dung."

The waitress writes down his order and calmly walks to the kitchen. About ten minutes later the manager storms out of the kitchen and lays out $500 on the man's table. Angry, the manager says, "Are you happy? This is the first time in ten years we haven't had rye bread!"

Joke: A mortician named John had the terrible task of prepping his best friend Tom to be cremated. Upon inspecting the body, John discovered that Tom has the largest private part he had ever seen. So in the name of preserving it, he cut it off and put it in his bag.

When he got home later that night he told his wife, "You're not going to believe this," and he opened his bag.

"Oh my god!" She yelled in horror, "Sam's dead?!"

Joke: Why do blondes snort Sweet & Low?

Joke: What did the pirate do after his parrot bit his dick off?