Dirty Jokes

Joke: Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."

Joke: A wealthy business man is trying to find his future wife. He finds three business savvy women and gives them each ten thousand dollars. They can do whatever they want with it, they just have to come back in six weeks to tell him what they did with it.

After six weeks the three women meet the business man. The business man says, 'What did you spend the money on, Number One?'

Number One says, 'I invested in bonds and made $1500.' The business man asks the second woman the same question. She says, 'I invested in stocks and made $1700.'

The business man asks Number Three the same question.

Number Three says, 'I invested in a CD that only made $1200.' After thinking for a long time, the business man finally came to a decision. Can you figure out which one he picked? The one with biggest tits, of course.

Joke: A businessman who recently acquired a latex factory in Mexico tells his friends of the unsanitary conditions:

"The workers put their hands into the melted latex then cool them in a vat of water. Once they're done they take them off and throw them into the finished pile."

The businessman's friends are disgusted and tell him he should do something about it.

"If you didn't like how they made the gloves, you definitely won't like how they make condoms!"

Joke: Tom and Sally decided to have a little Sunday quickie but had to figure out what to do with their 10-year-old son since they lived in a small apartment. They cleverly sent him out on the balcony and had him report all of the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into action. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."

Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is waving at me from their balcony."

Joke: A guy goes to a whorehouse and when the prostitute sees his 20-inch penis she nearly faints. She tells him, "I'll touch it, lick it, and suck it; but I'm not putting it in me."

The guy walks over to the table and takes back his money saying, "No thanks, I can do all of that myself."