Dirty Jokes

Joke: John was a man who, like many people, ate out of boredom. He would often eat things just because they were in front of him.

This is how he lost his job as a gynecologist.

Joke: I asked a Chinese girl for her phone number.

She replied, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"

I said, "Wow!"

But her friend ruined it and told me, "She means 666-3629."

Joke: An old man from Italy goes to church to give a confessional. When the priest slides open the panel, the man tells him "Father, I feel terrible. During World War II a beautiful Jewish woman came to my house and I hid her in my attic."

The priest replies "That's wonderful, why would you confess that?"

The man says "After a while she began repaying me in sexual favors, several times a week."

The priest replies "You did a great thing. People in those sorts of situations can succumb to the pleasures of the flesh. But if you're sorry, then you are forgiven."

The man replies "Great! But father, there's one more thing."

The priest says "Yes my son?"

The man replies "Should I tell her the war is over?"

Joke: A girl hears about her grandfather dying so she goes to visit her grandmother. When she gets to her grandma's house she asks her what had happened. Her grandma replies "We were making love on a Sunday morning and he had a heart attack."

The girl is shocked, "Grandma, at your age sex is probably never a good idea."

Her grandmother replies "Don't worry dear. Your grandfather and I figured out a safe way. Every Sunday we would make love to the sound of the church bells, they were the perfect rhythm. If it wasn't for the ice cream truck, he would still be alive."

Joke: A blonde woman was giving me a hand job in the dark. She told me "You have the biggest penis I've ever held!"

I told her "No, you're pulling my leg."