Dirty Jokes

Joke: A blonde and a brunette decide to rob a bank. When they show up at the bank they go over the instructions one last time. The brunette tells the blonde, "Remember, in and out in five minutes." With this the blonde runs into the bank.

The brunette waits and waits and waits in the van. Finally, the blonde bursts out of the door dragging a giant safe by a rope. The security guard chases her out of the bank with his pants around his ankles trying to grab his gun. The blonde ties the safe to the van, gets in the van, and they speed away.

As they drive away, dragging the safe, the brunette is furious. She yells at the blonde, "Dumb ass! You were supposed to tie up the guard and blow the safe!"

Joke: A man and his pregnant wife go to the doctor because she has started labor. When they arrive the doctor tells them of a great new invention he has made. He made a machine that can transfer pain from the mother to the father. The couple is ecstatic and quickly agrees, but the doctor warns the man, "Even 10% of the pain is probably more pain than you've ever felt."

They start at 10% and the husband is not effected at all. He insists they move it up to 50%. He is still not phased by the pain, but his wife is feeling a lot better. So he tells the doctor to give him all of the pain. The woman has her baby with no pain and they are all very happy.

When they get home the UPS man is dead on the porch.

Joke: Why didn't the webcam girl show up to work?

Joke: A man walks into the bank and walks up to the teller. She asks him "Can I help you sir?"

The man replies "Yeah, I want to open up a fucking bank account."

She tells him "Sir, we don't tolerate that sort of language here." She then gets the manager, who agrees that she should not put up with the man's language.

The manager approaches the man and asks "Sir, do we have an issue here?"

The man replies "No! I just want to put this motherfucking 100 million dollars I won in the goddamn lottery into a bank account."

"Oh," says the manager, "was this bitch giving you trouble, sir?"

Joke: A man and his wife were having financial troubles so they decide she should work the streets to make some extra money.

She comes home that night with $31.25. He asks her, "Who the hell gave you a quarter?"

She replies, "All of them."