Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man and a woman, who are both married to other people, find themselves forced to share a hotel room for a night. They feel weird at first, but they both fall asleep in their separate beds.

After a few hours of sleeping, the man wakes the woman up and asks her, "Could you grab me another blanket from the closet? I'm really cold."

The woman responds, "Or we could just pretend to be married for the night?"

The man replies, "That would be amazing."

The woman smiles and says, "Okay. Get your own fucking blanket!"

Joke: A man is walking home from work one day and in a dark alley is approached by a prostitute. She tells him, "Twenty dollars."

He had never been with a prostitute before but it was only twenty dollars. They start going at it in the alley when a couple of police come up with their flashlights and ask, "What are you doing? Are you aware prostitution is illegal?"

The man enraged yells, "This is my wife!"

The police officer replies, "Oh, I'm sorry sir. I had no idea."

The man replies, "Neither did I until you put the light in her face."

Joke: What type of food ruins a woman's sex drive forever?

Joke: A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a zoophile, a necrophiliac, and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution. "Let's have sex with a cat." Suggested the zoophile. "Let's have sex with a cat and then torture it," suggests the sadist. "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it and then kill it!" shouted the murderer. "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophiliac. "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it" said the pyromaniac. There was silence, then the masochist said: "Meow."

Joke: What's the difference between your penis and your paycheck?