Dirty Jokes

Joke: A husband takes his wife golfing for the first time. He warns her to be careful but on her first drive she sends a long drive directly to her left into a large window of a mansion. "Jeez! I told you to be careful. Let's go apologize and see how much that will cost us."

They go to the front door of the house and hear a booming voice, "Come in!" As they enter the house they see glass everywhere, a broken antique lamp, and a man sitting in a large recliner.

"We're really sorry, sir," The husband apologizes.

The man in the recliner replies, "Don't worry about it, I've been stuck in that lamp for some time. You see, I'm a genie. I have three wishes to grant. I'll give one to each of you and save the last one for myself if you don't mind. So what are your wishes?"

The husband, shocked, says, "I want ten million dollars!"

The genie says, "The money is waiting for you at your house. And you?"

The wife says, "I wish for a large house in every country with maids and servants!"

The genie closes his eyes and focuses, "Done! They are all safe and sound. Now it is time for my wish. I want to have sex with your wife."

The man and his wife look at each other shocked. The wife says, "He did give us ten million dollars and countless homes... What do you think?"

The man replies, "He's just a genie, and he did do a lot for us."

So the wife and the genie go upstairs and enjoy each other for hours. After hours of passionate lovemaking the genie rolls over, "How old are you and your husband?"

She replies, "We're both 30. It's great what you did for us."

The genie replies, "It's great that you guys are 30 years old and still believe in genies."

Joke: Lisa's mom is doing laundry and Lisa brings in a shirt and says "I've got another dirty shirt."

Her mother who is hard of hearing replies "Come again?"

Surprised Lisa says "No, paint."

Joke: A blonde goes into the gynecologist. When he asks her what the problem is she replies, "Something is extremely wrong. I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina!"

He takes a look and laughs, "Dear, those aren't stamps. Those are stickers from the bananas."

Joke: Have you seen the new movie Constipated?

Joke: A man is walking down the street and sees a woman with extremely large boobs. As he is passing her he asks, "If I gave you $100 could I bite your boobs?"

She tells him to back off and continues on her way. Then he catches up to her and asks, "If I gave you $1,000 could I bite your boobs?"

Again she refuses and yells at him. But once again he catches up. This time he asks her, "If I gave you $10,000 could I bite your boobs?"

She decides that that is too much money to pass up, so she agrees. She takes off her shirt and bra. He fondles them and bounces them with his hands for a while until she asks, "Well aren't you going to bite them?"

He replies "No thanks, that's too expensive."