Dirty Jokes

Joke: What is the definition of making love?

Joke: A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

The priest replied "Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well I'll be," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized, "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

Joke: A 100-year-old man enters a Catholic confessional and admits "Father, last night I had sex with a couple of 18-year-old girls for hours."

The priest sternly replies "That is a sin, I'm going to give you a penance."

The old man laughs "That won't be necessary father, I'm Jewish."

The father, confused, asks "Why are you telling me this?"

"I'm telling everyone!"

Joke: A man with a penis that was 25 inches long went to a witch to see if she could reduce its size. She told him "Go to the forest. There you will find a toad. Ask it to marry you."

So the man went into the forest and found the toad she spoke of. He asked the toad if it would marry him and the toad responded "No." Instantly his penis shrunk by 5 inches.

He asked again and the toad again responded "No!" His penis went down to 15 inches in size. He realized that whenever the toad said no to him, his penis would shrink 5 inches.

Figuring that 15 inches was still to big he decided to ask the toad one final time. The toad responded "Are you deaf? How many times do I have to say it? No! No! No!"

Joke: Interviewer: What would you say was your greatest weakness?
Interviewee: Honesty.
Interviewer: I wouldn't call honesty a weakness.
Interviewee: Honestly, I don't give a fuck what you think.