Clean Jokes

Joke: The captain of a pirate ship is under attack one day and he tells his first mate to bring him his red shirt. The mate asks him "Why did you want your red shirt?"

The captain replied "Never let your enemy see you bleed!"

The next day somebody spots 200 ships coming their way. The captain sighs and says "Bring me my brown pants!"

Joke: Customer: The new one I bought from you sucks more than the old one!
Customer service: I'm glad to hear you are satisfied with your new vacuum sir.

Joke: Two Jewish mothers are talking and one says, "I have some unsavory news. I sent my son to Israel to become a more faithful Jew, but he became Christian!"

The other mother replies, "Funny story! I sent my son there for the same reason, and he became a Christian as well!"

The two women, worried about their sons, went to their Rabbi for advice. When they tell him about the situation he says, "Funny story! Ten years back I sent my son to Israel for that very reason when he was studying to be a Rabbi, and he became a priest instead!"

They all decide it would be best if they prayed for guidance. After several minutes of prayer God addresses them, "What is wrong my children?."

They explain that all three of their children went to Israel to become better Jews but converted to Christianity instead. God replies, "Funny story!"

Joke: A knight and his men come back to the castle after a long day. The king asks him, "How are we faring?"

The knight replies, "Sire, I have been robbing, pillaging and burning down the towns of your enemies in the north all day long."

The king shrieks, "What?! I have no enemies in the north!"

The night replies, "Oh... You do now."

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Europe!
Europe who?
No! You're a poo!