Clean Jokes

Joke: An Englishman is walking down the Irish countryside and stops at a river to take a drink. He cups a hand and gets some water. Just as he is about to drink a shepherd yells to him in a thick Irish accent, "Don't drink out the river, it's full of sheep pee!"

The Englishman replies, "I don't understand a word you are saying. I'm English. What'd you say?"

The shepherd replies, "Use both hands, you'll get more that way."

Joke: Two men are working on a telephone pole. A little old lady walks by and one of the men yell to her, "Hey lady, can you move that wire off of the sidewalk for us!"

She picks it up and moves it from the sidewalk. The second electrician says, "I told you it wasn't live."

Joke: A man and his wife are setting up their new computer. When it comes time to pick the password, he types in "my_brain" but the computer rejects it. His wife says "I told you it was too small."

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
You know.
You know who?
Run Harry Potter!

Joke: A doctor, a priest, and an army general are all flying in a plane together. To help the people the doctor drops a first aid kit and the priest drops a bible. The army general has nothing else to drop so he drops a grenade.

They land on the ground and first they find a man playing with the bandages from the first aid kit. Next they find a man unconscious on the ground with the bible next to him. Finally they come to a young boy who is laughing hysterically. When they ask him what is so funny he replies "My grandpa farted and my house exploded!"