Clean Jokes

Joke: A woman is pulled over and the officer asks her for her license. He looks at it and says "Ma'm, your license says you should be wearing glasses?"

The woman replies "I have contacts sir."

The officer gets mad and yells "I don't care who you know, you're getting a ticket!"

Joke: Doctor: "Nurse, how is that little girl who swallowed ten quarters last night doing?"
Nurse: "No change yet."

Joke: A blonde walks into a New York bank and asks for a $1,000 loan for a month long trip to Asia. The loan officer tells her "You are going to need some collateral if you want a loan."

The blonde tells him "I'll leave my Rolls Royce, it's worth $200,000." The bank accepts the security and laughs at her for leaving such an expensive car for such a small loan.

When she comes back from her trip she goes to the bank and repays her loan plus interest, coming to $1,020. The bank manager smirks at her and asks "We know you are a millionaire, why would you get such a small loan and use such an expensive car for collateral?"

The blonde looks at him and smiles "Where else can I park my car in the city for a month for $20?"

Joke: Why do bankers eat alone?

Joke: A grocer puts up a sign above his turkeys, "$5 each or $20 for three."

All day long people approach him outraged by his incorrect math, "It should be $15 for three, I'll just buy them separately."

All day people come buy and just buy them separately for less after yelling at him.

After one of his employees watch this go on all day he asks him, "Are you going to fix the sign or what?"

The grocer replies, "What do I need to fix? Before I put up the sign nobody bought three turkeys."