Funny Jokes

 

78 ratings
4 saves

Joke: A man is getting into a nice warm bath to relax. Once he is situated he hears the doorbell ring. He is mad but he gets up and dries off. As he is walking to the door he falls to the ground hurting his back. When he finally gets to the door the person at the door says "Oh, sorry. I think I'm at the wrong house."

The man is angry so he yells "Are you serious?"

The person at the door replies "Chill out man, you need to take a hot bath or something."


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42 ratings
11 saves

Joke: A man walks into a bar with his dog but the bartender says "You can't bring your dog into here!"

The man replies "but this is no ordinary dog. You see, this dog can talk. I'll prove it to you. What covers trees?"

The dog replies "Bark!"

He asks "What's on top of a house?"

The dog answers "Roof!"

Finally the man asks "Who's your favorite baseball player?"

The dog says "Ruth!" The bartender immediately throws them both out.

The man says "What was that guy's problem?"

The dog answers "Maybe he's not a fan of the Yankees."


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50 ratings
2 saves

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
I can say who!
I can say who who?
Do you always have to one up me?


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143 ratings
4 saves

Joke: Customer: The new one I bought from you sucks more than the old one!
Customer service: I'm glad to hear you are satisfied with your new vacuum sir.


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42 ratings
7 saves

Joke: All of the organs are deciding who should be in charge:

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "I run all the body's systems, without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the heart , "I circulate oxygen and nutrients all over."

"No! I should be in charge," said the stomach, "I process the food that gives us energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "without me the body couldn't go anywhere."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "I allow the body to see where it goes." "I should be in charge," said the anus, "I am responsible for waste removal."

All of the other body parts laughed at the anus and insulted him. So he shut down. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the heart pumped toxic blood. They all decided that the anus should be the boss.
,br/> What is the moral of the story? Even though everybody else does all of the work the ass hole is usually in charge.


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