Funny Jokes

Joke: Why is the freezer the best place to keep your money?

Joke: An elderly man thinks his wife is losing her hearing so he calls their doctor. The doctor tells him "We need to figure out how bad her hearing is. Using a normal tone, talk to her at various distances until she can hear you."

That night the man decides to try this. He estimates he is sitting about 30 feet from his wife and asks her, "What's for dinner?"

He hears nothing so he moves a little closer; about 20 feet away. He asks her again, "What's for dinner?" Still nothing.

Finally, he gets right next to her and asks, "What's for dinner?"

She finally hears him and responds "For the third time, chicken!"

Joke: An Amish family goes to the mall. The daughters and mother go shopping and the father and son stop in front of two shiny walls that are sliding apart. An extremely large woman on a scooter rolls into the elevator and the shiny walls move back together.

The man and his son watch as the numbers above the elevator slowly light up until the highest number is illuminated. Then the numbers begin to climb back down and the shiny walls once again part. A gorgeous blonde exits the elevator.

The father, still staring at the woman, whispers to his son "Go get your mother."

Joke: A man gave his wife super glue instead of chap stick.

She still isn't talking to him.

Joke: A blonde woman walks into a library and walks up to the librarian. She tells her "I'll have a double cheese burger, medium fries, and a large drink."

The librarian, slightly annoyed, tells her "Honey, this is a library. Not a McDonald's."

The blonde, extremely embarrassed, whispers "I'm sorry. I'll have a double cheese burger, medium fries, and a large drink."