Short Jokes

Joke: Two Jewish mothers are talking and one says, "I have some unsavory news. I sent my son to Israel to become a more faithful Jew, but he became Christian!"

The other mother replies, "Funny story! I sent my son there for the same reason, and he became a Christian as well!"

The two women, worried about their sons, went to their Rabbi for advice. When they tell him about the situation he says, "Funny story! Ten years back I sent my son to Israel for that very reason when he was studying to be a Rabbi, and he became a priest instead!"

They all decide it would be best if they prayed for guidance. After several minutes of prayer God addresses them, "What is wrong my children?."

They explain that all three of their children went to Israel to become better Jews but converted to Christianity instead. God replies, "Funny story!"

Joke: A Nobel Prize winning mathematician is traveling from university to university on a speaking tour by limousine. After several engagements the mathematician and his driver are having dinner and the driver says "I've heard your speech so many times I think I could give it word-for-word." The mathematician accepts the challenge and they switch places for the next speech; the driver dresses like the professor and the professor dresses as the driver and sits in the back of the auditorium.

The driver gives the speech flawlessly and opens up the floor for question, usually there are none. But one of the students at the university has a very large ego and decides to attempt to stump the Nobel Prize winner. After the student asks his question for ten straight minutes the driver laughs and says "That question is so simple I'll let my driver in the back answer it."

Joke: A man and his blonde wife are sitting inside, by the fire, when the radio announcer comes on: "We are expecting up to a foot of snow tonight, please make sure you are parked on the even-numbered side of the road." The wife goes out and moves her car.

The next day the same thing happens, and the announcer comes on: "We are expecting up to a foot of snow tonight, please make sure you are parked on the odd-numbered side of the road." The wife goes out and moves her car.

A few days later the same thing happens and the announcer comes on: "We are expecting up to two feet of snow tonight, please make sure you are parked on the-" but the power goes out in the middle of the announcement.

The blonde freaks out, "Which side do I put my car on?!"

Her husband tenderly confronts her saying, "How about we just leave the car in the garage this time?"

Joke: There was an English man, and Irish man and a German man on a plane. There is too much cabin pressure, so the captain comes up to the English man and says: YOU, DROP AN ITEM. He chose a stone. There is still too much cabin pressure, so he parachutes out. When he lands, a man is crying. He asks the man what is wrong. The man says : WELL, I WAS OUT HERE POLISHING MY JAG, AND THIS STONE CAME FROM THE SKY AND DENTED THE BONNET.Back up on the plane, the Irish man drops an item. He drops a knife. He too has to parachute out. When he lands, a woman is crying. The woman tells him : I WAS OUT HERE GARDENING, AND THIS KNIFE FELL FROM THE SKY AND CUT MY PRIZE MELON IN HALF. Back up on the plane, the German drops an item. He drops a bomb. He too parachutes to the ground, but to the sound of utter laughter. He says : WHATS SO FUNNY?. man says : I WAS OUT HERE GARDENING, I FARTED AND NEXT DOORS HOUSE BLEW UP!

Joke: The Pope arrives in New York and gets in his Limo. While driving the Pope asks his driver, "May I drive?"

The driver can't refuse since he's the Pope and all, so the pope hops into the driver seat and the driver into the back.

It's been a very long time since the pop has driven himself so he is a terrible driver. He swerves in and out of traffic and eventually gets pulled over. The police officer that pulled him over approaches the driver but immediately goes back to his cruiser. He tells his partner, "There is an extremely important person in the limo."

His partner asks, "Is it the mayor?"

The cop replies, "Bigger!"

His partner asks, "Is it the governor?"

Again the cop says, "Bigger!"

His partner replies, "It couldn't be the president?!"

The cop says, "I don't know. But whoever it is has the frickin' Pope driving him around!"