Short Jokes

Joke: A faith healer visits a small town. During his healing session a man with crutches approaches him, "Ever since I was a boy I couldn't walk without these, can you heal me?"

The healer yells back, "All that believe will receive! Go behind the curtain."

Another man approaches him, "F-f-f-fix my st-st-st-stutter?"

The healer yells back, "All that believe will receive! Go behind the curtain."

The healer starts praying and yells, "Drop your crutches!" He continues to pray and yells, "Now tell us in a clear voice, how do you feel?"

The man replies, "The f-f-fucker f-f-fell on his f-f-f-f-face."

Joke: A motorist is speeding down the road when he is pulled over. The officer tells him, "Sir do you realize how fast you were going?"

The motorist replies, "Yeah I know, but I have to go."

The cop interrupts him, "Not so fast. You're going to have to wait for the chief to get back in a few hours."

The cop immediately takes the man to jail. After a few hours the cop tells the man, "You're lucky, the chief is on his way back from his daughter's wedding, he'll be in a good mood."

The man replies, "I doubt it."

The cop snaps back, "Why do you say that?"

The man replies, "I'm the groom!"

Joke: A man comes to the entrance of Heaven and is told, "You haven't done anything good, but you haven't done anything bad either. If you can tell me of something amazing you have done, I will let you in."

The man replies, "Well, one time I was driving down the road and I saw some gang members threatening a young lady in an alleyway. I stopped and confronted them. I walked up to the biggest looking dude and slapped him and said, 'You need to leave this young lady alone, or I'm going to kick your ass!'"

The man at the entrance to heaven asked him, "When did this happen?"

The guy replies, "About five minutes ago."

Joke: A little elderly lady goes to the doctor because she has been having a problem. She tells him "Doctor, lately I have been farting almost constantly. They don't bother me much because they don't smell or make noise, but it is still annoying. I've farted a hundred times since I got here, I bet you didn't know."

The doctor sends her home with some pills and she returns a week later. Angrily she tells him "Doctor! These pills you gave me have made my gas smell terrible. I don't want to take them anymore!"

The doctor smiles and replies "Great. Now that we have cleared your sinuses we can take care of that hearing problem."

Joke: A man goes swimming in the ocean but gets sucked out to sea. A boat passes by him and tells him to climb aboard but he says "I have faith, God will save me."

The Coast Guard comes by with a rescue helicopter and tells him to climb the ladder up, but he says "I have faith, God will save me."

The man is now getting tired but thankfully a dolphin swims under him and starts to carry him to shore, but the man pushes the dolphin away saying "I have faith, God will save me.

The man dies and goes to Heaven. He asks God "Why didn't you save me?"

God replies "I tried! I sent a ship, a helicopter and a dolphin!"