Short Jokes

Joke: A blonde, brunette, and red head are all spies and are caught behind enemy lines. They are all tied up in front of a firing squad.

As they are about to shoot the brunette yells "Tornado! Tornado!" All of the men run off to wait the tornado out and the brunette manages to escape.

Seeing what she had done the red head devises her own plan and when they return she yells "Earthquake! Earthquake!" Again all of the men scatter to wait it out and the red head escapes.

The blonde, being the genius she is, devises her own plan. As soon as the men return she yells "Fire! Fire!"

Joke: A girl brings her boyfriend to her house to meet her parents. While eating dinner, the father asks her boyfriend, "So what are you studying?"

He replies, "Philosophy."

The father asks, "What are you going to do with that?"

The boy replies, "I'm not sure, but God will provide."

The father, stunned, then asks, "Do you have any aspirations at all?"

The boy again replies, "No, but I have faith that God will provide."

Later the girl asks her father what he thought. He tells her, "I like him. He's stupid and has no life plans. But he thinks I'm God!"

Joke: A man and his wife are driving down the road as the wife says, "I want a divorce."

The man says nothing, just speeds up slightly.

The woman continues, "That's not all. I'm taking the house, the car, the kids, and the bank account."

The man remains a statue, only speeding up a little.

The woman, getting angry, yells at him, "Don't you have anything to say?"

The man replies, "Nope. I have everything I need."

The woman asks him, "What do you have?"

Just as they are about to slam into a tree going 100 MPH the man yells, "The airbag bitch!"

Joke: The captain of a cruise ship has a parrot. Him and his parrot go to the magic show on board every night. and every night the parrot calls the magician out on his trickery , "It's up his sleeve!", "There is a hole in his hat!", "There's a fake bottom!"

So finely one day the magician gets so fed up with the parrot he pulls out a gun, shoots at the bird, misses the bird and hits the boiler. This causes the ship to blow up into bits.

The magician grabs onto a piece of floating wood and the parrot lands on his shoulder. The parrot looks at him and says, "I give up, where's the boat?"

Joke: A man is at the bar looking sad. The bartender asks him, "What's with the long face?"

He replies, "I've had three wives, but they've all died."

The bartender replies, "Wow, how'd they go?"

The man replies, "Well, the first one ate poisonous mushrooms."

The bartender asks, "What about the second one?"

He replies, "Poisonous mushrooms."

The bartender asks, "And the third ate poisonous mushrooms?"

The man replies, "Nope she was strangled."

The bartender asks, "Oh no, why?"

The man replies, "She wouldn't eat the damn mushrooms."