Short Jokes

Joke: One day the triangle player of an orchestra gets very sick and goes the hospital. The entire day he practiced through his sneezing and sniffling. The next day he goes home to find his house surrounded by police cars. He asks a police officer, "What happened?"

The officer replies, "Your conductor came by your house to talk to you while you were at the hospital. He was angry that you missed rehearsal. When he got home and found that you weren't there he killed your entire family in anger."

The triangle player, stunned, looks deeply into the police officer's eyes with a single tear running down his face, "The conductor wanted to talk to me?"

Joke: Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed. He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"

Joke: The FBI, the CIA and the LAPD all think they are the most efficient law enforcers, so they decide to have a contest. They release a squirrel into a forest and they all get a chance to catch it.

The CIA bugs the entire forest and gets animal informants. They then question all of the plants and mineral witnesses. But after four months, they conclude that the rabbit never existed.

Next the FBI comes in. After a couple of weeks they still have no leads so they burn the entire forest down killing everything, supposedly including the rabbit.

Finally, the LAPD comes in and comes out a week later with a bear. The bear is yelling, "Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Joke: A struggling zoo's main attraction, a gorilla, dies during their most popular season. They can't afford to lose the gorilla so they secretly hire one of the employees to be a gorilla in a suit for an extra $500 a week.

He quickly becomes even more popular than the original gorilla, everyone wants to see the human-like gorilla.

After a few months his popularity begins to wane so he decides to raise the stacks. He climbs out of his enclosure and dangles from a tree in the lion exhibit but he loses his grip and falls. Scared he begins to yell for help, "Somebody help!"

With this the lion pounces on top of him and whispers, "Shut up or you'll get us both fired!"

Joke: A blonde, a brunette and a red head are having their lunches. The blonde little girl says, "I'm sick of PB&J, we should all jump off the school tomorrow if we get it again tomorrow." The other girls agree.

The next day they all meet up on the roof of the school and open their lunch boxes to expose three PB&J sandwiches. So they all jump.

That night at the hospital the families of the girls are in the waiting room. The brunette and red headed girl's parents are crying, but the blonde girls parents are silent and confused. The other parents approach them and ask them why they are acting so strangely. The blonde mother responds, "I just don't understand. She makes her own lunch."