Short Jokes

Joke: A man's children were curious about their names. The man's daughter asked him, "Dad, how did i get my name?" The father replied, "Well, you were laying down under a tree and a rose fell on your head, so i named you rose."

The second daughter asked, "Dad, how did i get MY name?" The father replied. "Well, you were laying down under a tree and a lily fell on your head, so i named you Lily."

Then his son came in the room and yelled, "RAAAAAAAHHHHHHRRRRRR!!!"

The father replied, "Shut up, Brick!"

Joke: A woman had twin babies and fell asleep immediately after. A couple of weeks later she finally wakes up and asks the doctor "Where is my baby?!"

The doctor replies "They are both fine, you have a beautiful boy and girl. Your husband went back to work and you were out so long that your brother named them."

The woman looked concerned "Oh no. What did he name them?"

"He named the girl Denise," The doctor replies.

The woman, relieved "Well that's not so bad. What about the boy?"

"Denephew."

Joke: A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "There is a blind man to see you." she says. "Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in."

The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That's nice and all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?"

Joke: It's Paige's birthday and she has been waiting for her gift from her boyfriend Trevor for months. All he told her was "I got you something that will change your life. It can go from 0 to 200 in a few seconds!"

When it finally comes time for Paige to open her gifts she notices Trevor only had a small gift box in front of him. She eagerly opens it wondering if it is something for her shiny new sports car. She looks at it and says "This can't go from 0 to 200 in a few seconds?"

Trevor replies "It's a scale, just step on it."

Joke: A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."