Short Jokes

Joke: A man walks into a restaurant. A waitress recognizes him as a bum who rarely has any money. She confronts the man by asking him what does he want. He asks her how much is a cup of coffee and she tells him $0.99. Next he asks her how much is a refill and she tells him that refills are free. So the bum asks, "Can I please have a refill?"

Joke: Police Officer Nico receives a call from his chief. His chief tells him "Nico. I'm sorry but you're going to have to arrest your mother."

Nico starts to reply "Chief-" but is interrupted by his chief.

"Nico, I know it's hard, but it's part of the job."

Nico pauses and replies "Sir, I was just going to ask for backup."

Joke: The captain of a pirate ship is under attack one day and he tells his first mate to bring him his red shirt. The mate asks him "Why did you want your red shirt?"

The captain replied "Never let your enemy see you bleed!"

The next day somebody spots 200 ships coming their way. The captain sighs and says "Bring me my brown pants!"

Joke: Three blondes are walking in the forest when they come across some tracks. The first blonde says "These are definitely rabbit tracks."

The second blonde says "Are you crazy? These are bear tracks."

The final blonde says "You're both wrong, these are moose tracks."

They argued for hours until finally the train hit them.

Joke: An ant and a centipede are hanging out and they run out of pop. The ant is going to get more but the centipede tells him, "Let me go, I'm faster with all of my legs." The ant agrees.

After waiting a couple of hours the ant calls the centipede, "What's taking so long?"

The centipede replies, "Hold on, I almost have my shoes on."